Have you ever been to your local pet store and thought to yourself "Why are these birds shrieking? What could I possibly have done to offend them? My ears feel like they're bleeding." Well look no further! Use this handy dandy guide to determine what you have done to anger these tiny feathered creatures.
1. Cutting boards and knives are threatening mini-birds tapping their beaks to an evil drumbeat and must be stopped.
2. Watch Bird sees a human that she doesn’t recognize inside or outside the house.
3. There’s a tiny human outside cleverly disguised with mittens, a hat, a carrot nose, and a mountain of snow. Birds will not be fooled by this deceitful ruse.
4. It’s time to tattle. The dog or the other bird is doing something stupid. Most likely, a bird is on the lamp. Or the floor. Or the fridge. Or the sink. Or the window screens. Or the toilet. Or . . .
5. There’s music on and the birds hear the call of their people in the snare, base, and cymbals.
6. The human servant forgot to open the cage door in the morning and the angry shouts of “RELEASE US FROM OUR SQUALID PRISON!” wake said servant from my otherwise uninterrupted slumber.
7. The seed and water dishes are slightly lower than yesterday and must be replenished with the unborn seeds of plants and fresh mermaid tears.
8. Bird chatter from the neighboring tree has grown too loud and now all birds, domestic or imported, must call to their feathered brethren in stereo.
9. Balloons and aluminum foil are the scum of the earth and must be exterminated immediately.
10. The human servant has left eyesight and must return to the bird throne immediately and suffer the indignant squawks of . . . ahem . . . further instructions on the wants and needs of the bird kingdom.
11. "EVERYONE IS YELLING SO I MUST YELL, TOO!"